Death stings. Death was always finality before walking with the Lord. I’ve since accepted death but in a new light.
In 2016 in the midst of my mother’s diagnosis of stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, my most recurrent thought was “death”. When would I wake up to her not breathing as if it’d come sudden, painless. A finality of an insurmountable reality. Days before her last breath, she seemed at peace and accepting of her soon fate. Her faith rooted her deep in death not being a final destination but more of a welcoming peace after such a long battle. A peace I’d soon crawl my way to finding as well.
Don’t get me wrong, grief and death are painful. They will tear your heart into pieces you didn’t know possible and continue to tear years later. But death isn’t finality at all. According to the book of John 11:25-26 “I am the resurrection and the life… whoever lives and believes in me shall never die”. Meaning it’s not death that ends. It’s everlasting life with God. Pain and sorrow in the flesh make accepting this fate harder to grasp but it’s important to understand. That’s the goal! That’s a life achievement to be able to see Him and all His glory.
The age old question of “why” loomed over my head for years not only with death but anything I didn’t understand. Why did she have to die? Why did I have to endure pain? Why couldn’t I skip over that part? We have to endure to appreciate and accept. I firmly believe I wouldn’t be where I am today if she was still here on earth. Now that sounds selfish because her death wasn’t weighted on me alone but my whole family, but I had to grow through that pain to be who I am today.
It took me years to finally accept her finality but since finding the Lord and walking in Him, I’ve found the same peace she eluded all those years earlier. Death is nothing but a new life with God. It’s still scary to leave the family I’m building and raising but I only hope they find the same acceptance in the Lord that I have. Revelations 21:4 is my peace. My peace knowing that she is with Him and all her pain is gone.
~As always, Carolyn